The story of you're other half

I was born with my right hand

been wanking ever since..... LIVING THE DREAM

 

Met at uni, in first year. She lived in the flat below and despite a completely different course ended up on a maths module with me, which got us chatting. She was better at maths by far and helped me out a lot, especially when coursework was due, coming up many times a day to check my work!

Due to her own troubles with depression, being at mine was a good distraction it transpired, and gradually she'd stay hours rather than minutes. If i'm honest, it wasn't instant, was something that grew. I thought she was a nice girl, and wanted some company... and other things... spent more and more time together, and realised that actually, we got on great, I was attracted to her, and we were good together and made for good company for each other.

She opened up to me (the first person ever) about all of her issues with bullying, depression and self harm as a teen, which had left lasting issues. I guess I was just easy to talk to! I knew I was helping, so spent lots of time with her, and enjoyed this company, so we got together!

I knew what I was getting myself in for, so to speak, but it isn't easy. We've been together just over two years. Her family love me, and I think they are great, and my family love her. She makes me happy, when she's happy - when she's not, it gets me down too. We have tears everyday, but worryingly it begins to phase me less.

I love her to bits though, but things aren't easy with short spells of happiness and total sadness all day, and I find her being incredibly dependant on me tiring I guess ultimately. Toughest thing is, now I know all the problems, she cries on my shoulder... and only mine, cause nobody else knows. She doesn't have to hold it together with me, like she did at the beginning i'm sure, and does with everyone else... So I may not have seen her for days, and then the first thing I get is tears and total sadness.

I can see a future together though, and can't think of anything better really, but I do worry that this will always be an issue, as she won't take medication, and counselling doesn't help - all the doctors offer her, despite my attempts to convince her to try meds, and work through the doctors options... I worry it will be a problem forever, and eventually things may get too much - but I could be much older then - ultimately i'm still quite young, and haven't had another serious relationship, will I look back potentially after a divorce or something one day and feel like I missed out I wonder? Then, having said this, I love her so much, and know that if things ended, i'd always wonder for the rest of my life if her problems resolved, and she was the happy girl I guess I love even more, and we would have ultimately had an amazing future together if i'd stayed...

Anyway... i'm not going anywhere, I love her to bits, but those are my thoughts sometime - which have just poured out onto this post, as I don't talk to anyone about it, because I'm the only person who knows her problems, so I feel like I shouldn't discuss them with my close friends, since they happen to be our joint friends now!

 

You, my friend, are one in a million mate. She is a very lucky girl indeed IMHO.

I wonder if what she needs is a child, so that her current focus on her own insecurity & fears can be re-directed towards something positive.

Really good counseling is what it sounds like she needs.
Fwiw I can understand her reluctance to take the meds, it's a slippery slope (and very suck it & see stuff medically) but they can make a useful/vital initial prop for some conditions.

 

Thanks mate - the good thing is, she knows that too, and knows how much I help her, and when shes happy I feel very appreciated. When shes sad though, things get taken out on me and I don't feel appreciated, but I know she doesn't mean it, and it's not her fault.

She also knows how hard it is for me, and worries about the effect it has on me, making her problems worse. She knows how it is, because in her late teens she had a previous partner with depression issues who only made her issues worse by being abusive, nasty (certainly not helping her see value in herself) and even occasionally physically violent, amongst other things. These made her own problems worse, but I guess unfortunately people with similar troubles attract each other, only compounding their own issues.

I wonder that too you know... She'd love a dog, and I look toward the future thinking that even having a dog one day (when we're out of uni accommodation!) might help a lot, you know, mans best friend, something to care for, be responsible for, and make her smile etc. - then that always makes me wonder if maybe she'll be a completely changed woman one day when we - hopefully - have a child.

I'd hate to get to my wits end in a few years and can it, then wonder forever whether she got better, and was my happy girl with somebody else - of course I might never know, but I'd always wonder if i'd have missed out on an incredible life with someone I am so in love with, and who is so like me when happy...

I know where you're coming from re. meds. It doesn't help that she's very stubborn, and with depression comes lots of negativity, so no optimistic outlook when hearing about people who have found meds that are fab, and no optimism about them when she did try one course of something, so no chance they'd work really. Her father doesn't even take pain killers, so thats where it comes from ultimately... but equally she knows that she wants to be better so badly.

She saw a counsellor I think - just made her dig up the dirt and open healing wounds really, and she'd be upset all day afterwards, and being a worrier, nervous and worried a day (if not more) before, just compounding issues.

I think she needs to see a psychiatrist, I know my fathers ex-partner was helped hugely by one, and she was in a bad way, but much better after a few weekly appointments, and then monthly after that... but unless my partner tries the meds, the cost effective and physically effective solution in the doctors mind, then she won't be offered much more it seems... but she's not very pushy.

 

LOL, I just realised.
I met the love of my life at a trackday.
She was there with her other half.
He is richer younger smarter fitter and better looking than me.

Good job reality isnt the only world I can live in.

 

You nicked my wife

 

Wow!
It sounds like either she suffers from depression, or is bi-polar to some degree....the meds from either of those can knock you on your ass....my room-mate is bi-polar and her meds knock her out all night long.

But I guess the important thing in that regard is that she takes them, and I've never yet seen her suffer from the disorder.

The bullying your lass went through is shameful......I know, because I was bullied very badly at school myself...if I'm honest, it's one of the reasons I moved from the UK....I don't look white, I talk with a pronounced lisp (has cleared up a bit)...God, I hate bullies!! And it's never the tough kids....they don't have to prove anything, it's always the kids that want to be 'tough'.

I'm D41, if ever your lass wants to chat, just PM me your phone #....I'm no psychiatrist, but I'm more than happy to listen, and hopefully offer some advice.....sometimes it helps to unload on a stranger.